14 February 2019
The Year of the Pig
Squealer’s blog (with apologies to George Orwell).
By Neil Tidmarsh
If George Orwell was writing today, would his Animal Farm insurrection be an anti-establishment, alt-right uprising rather than a socialist revolution? Would the pigs Napoleon and Snowball be populist, nationalist rabble-rousers rather than communist dictators? Squealer, their minister for propaganda, would certainly be a master of social media, with a weekly blog. He’d have plenty to write about this week, with news from China, Italy and Denmark…
“Happy New Year! The Year of the Pig! It’s only a week old, but porcine power and the popular will of the pig (pigswill) are already beginning to push back against the world’s elites! Good news!
Even in China, the establishment is giving ground to us. Remember the Fake News it was spreading about our heroine Peppa Pig and her followers only two or three years ago? Subversive, she was called! And her fans were condemned as dangerous and undesirable, branded as counter-culture ‘society people’! The Chinese communist party’s Global Times called them ‘unruly slackers, usually poorly educated with no stable job, roaming around and running counter to the mainstream value, the antithesis of the young generation the Party tries to cultivate.’
Poor Peppa! She was removed from the video-sharing platform Douyin and the hashtag #PeppaPig was banned.
And now? This week, the new movie Peppa Pig Celebrates Chinese New Year is proving to be such a popular smash hit throughout China that the authorities can do nothing to stop it! Tens of millions of new fans are watching the movie and learning the TRUTH about our heroine in cinemas all across the country! Yes! Go, Peppa! Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig! The people won’t be fooled again!
And in Italy as well, the popular will of the pig is showing up the establishment elite, with its so-called “experts” and its empty promises about the rewards of Globalisation, for what it really is – corrupt, violent, self-serving, hypocritical! The pigs of Italy have had enough – in Rome, they’re taking to the streets, they’ve taken over the streets! Herds of wild boar are foraging in the parks and rubbish dumps and gardens and gutters of the Eternal City. We’ve taken back the public spaces which the elitist homo sapiens, with his global networks and deep conspiracies, stole from us five thousand years ago!
And the establishment is fighting back with violence, lies and Fake News. This week, it’s sending hunters against us, in the city of Rome and in surrounding Lazio, trained marksmen to track us down and shoot us without mercy. But we’re not taking this lying down, are we? A woman walking her dog in Spinaceto ended up in hospital after a brush with us. Another woman was trapped when we surrounded her car in Insugherata park. Yet another woman was killed in Sicily when she found herself face to face with an angry herd. A man was killed in central Rome when his moped hit one of us in the middle of the road. Yes, we’re showing them what we can do, make no mistake about that!
The human beings of Italy – establishment elitists! – are saying that we’re garbage, only interested in garbage; the garbage which they themselves don’t have the brains or the will-power to dispose of properly! They say we aren’t proper Italian wild boar, but a cross between domestic Italian pigs and fast-breeding immigrant species of wild boar from Eastern Europe. What?! How dare they suggest that we’re not true Italians, pure-bred and pure-blooded nationalist stock! Eastern Europeans? Refugees? Immigrants? Illegal “anywheres”? Outrageous! Fake News! Lies!
All pigs are equal, yes, but let’s not forget – some pigs are more equal than others. Our friends in Denmark are proud enough to admit it and brave enough to do something about it. They’re building a wall – a beautiful wall! – to keep the dirty, diseased, southern pigs out of their clean and healthy Nordic motherland! Denmark – pig paradise, our homeland, our heaven! There are more than twenty million pigs in Denmark – that’s two of us for every one human being.
The human beings depend on us there. They value us. They serve us. We’re the very foundation of their economy – we’re worth £3.5 billion a year – pork exports alone are worth £1.3 billion. But now that’s all under threat; African swine fever has been found in wild boar in Belgium, and wandering wild boar – diseased migrants – could carry this deadly plague through Germany to Denmark. Do we all want to die of this pestilence from Africa just because some bleeding heart liberal says “Let them in?” No! Do we want these savage “refugees” to infect our families, our wives and our children? No! No! No!
So our human servants in Denmark are building a wall all along the entire German border to keep those filthy illegal immigrants out. It will cost £9 million; it will be 70km long; it will be 1.5m tall and 50cm deep (so the cunning desperadoes won’t be able to burrow under it). Magnificent!
But the liberal elite’s so-called “experts” are already saying it’s a waste of money and effort. How predictable! How sad! They’re saying that the immigrants will be able to swim round it, that they’ll be able to penetrate it where roads pass through it. Not true! Lies! Fake news! It will be a beautiful wall, a perfect wall, a glimpse of a wonderful future!
Let’s put the “Great” back into “Great Dane”! (Which of course isn’t a dog – lying dog-loving liberal propaganda – but a pig.)
Build the wall! Build the wall! Take back the streets – the streets of Rome! Peppa Pig! Peppa Pig! Peppa Pig! Pigs’ will! Pig swill! Pigswill!”
