14 July 2016

A Rose By Any Other Name

Finding a doppleganger amongst the Plantagenets.

by Chin Chin

“ Edward”. The cry rang out and I saw a man bounding towards me with hand outstreched, a smile of greeting on his face. I rose to welcome him. This was somebody who I knew quite well, with whom I had often spoken in the past.  The only fly in the ointment was that he was mistaken; my name isn’t Edward at all.

There are degrees to not knowing people.  In extreme cases you cannot remember having met them. “Oh, I don’t think I have had the advantage…” you begin.  “Not since we dined together last week,” they reply.  That can be quite embarrassing if you show weakness and the only credible response is simply to go past it.  “Oh, yes,” you rejoin, “who do you think will win the football tonight?”

Then there is the person who you know quite well but cannot immediately place, perhaps because you were thinking about something else when they approached.  The temptation is to probe with a few tentative questions in the hope that the reply will trigger your memory. That can easily go wrong and Sir Thomas Beecham the conductor used to tell of how a lady, who he recognised but could not at that moment place, came up to him in Fortnum’s.  After a minute or two she referred to her husband and Sir Thomas glimpsed the opportunity he had been waiting for.

“Tell me,” he said, “what is your husband doing these days?”

“Well, he is still King,” replied the then Queen Elizabeth.

Unless they have superhuman memories, politicians and celebrities must encounter these difficulties the whole time.  If you or I are introduced to the Queen, we are likely to remember her; for her, it may be the hundredth introduction in the day.

Just after he first became mayor of London, I went to a reception in honour of Boris Johnson given by an Islington constituency association.  As Johnson toured the hall, the constituency chairman, walking a step behind, whispered the name of the person he was approaching. “Fred, how nice to see you,” Boris would boom, seizing Fred by the hand and Fred, although he no doubt realised how the trick had been worked, would still be pleased to have been addressed so personally.

This sort of tactic has been used by public people throughout the ages, with variations of one sort or another. When Joan of Arc arrived at Chinon to meet the Dauphin, she easily picked him out from the crowd of courtiers amongst whom he had concealed himself even though she had never seen him before.  It is possible that she had seen a portrait or an image on a coin but, in view of her later career, it is rather more probable that there was a divine voice whispering helpfully in her ear.

Looking at it from the other end, there is the question of how you should react to someone else’s mistake. The man who calls me “Edward” is a very nice fellow and I certainly wouldn’t want to upset him. Had I corrected him the first time he called me by the wrong name, all would probably be well but, one way and another, I have left it too late so I think that the only answer is to become an Edward when he is present and to answer to the name. Actually, it is rather a distinguished name and it runs equal with Henry in the scoring if you look down the list of the English kings. Of course, if you included Edward the Confessor it would go one up, but that is perhaps counterbalanced by the fact that if you cross the channel to France there are four Henrys and no Edwards at all.

To be called by an English royal name may sound a fine thing but the truth is that the Edwards were a variable lot and, as far as selecting a role model goes, it is important to choose a good one.  Some can be eliminate immediately. Edward V for a start, since he was murdered in the Tower when a boy which I obviously was not. Edward VIII can go too.  Perhaps it is romantic to sacrifice a throne for love but he also used to smoke with the troops and I have never liked the smell of tobacco.  Edward II is out next.  I am sure the gay orgies were very jolly but dying on the end of a red hot poker sounds distinctly uncomfortable. That reduces the field to five which, by coincidence, is also the number of politicians who threw their hats into the ring for the current Conservative leadership contest.

Narrowing down the last five is more difficult and the contest becomes like a scene from master chef.  “Unfortunately one of you has to go” intones the host in a manner which combines pious regret with a sort of graveyard solemnity.  Who is it to be?

First out of the door in this final stage has to be Edward VI. His reign may have been pivotal in the establishment of Protestantism but he always seemed a narrow and priggish type who stoked religious conflict rather than damping it down.  Not far behind him goes Edward VII. It is true that he ruled Britain at the height of its imperial power but he wasn’t on the throne for very long and one tends to think of him as a sort of codicil to Queen Victoria. No one wants to be a codicil to their mother, so that reduces the final group to three.

Edwards I, III and IV were all distinguished military men but Edward IV was factional, representing the House of York in its struggle against the House of Lancaster in the Wars of the Roses. We have quite enough factionalism in Britain at the moment, thank you, so I think that Edward I and Edward III must stand as the “Teresa ” and “Andrea” in the contest to anchor my new identity. It is difficult to choose between them.  Both were successful warriors; both were forward thinkers who listened to advice.  Edward III was probably the more amusing of the two but then Edward I displayed a nice line in filial piety when, despite being the real ruler of England after he defeated de Montford at the battle of Evesham, he let his father continue to occupy the throne  for another 7 years.  Hmm, both good men.  Which way should I go?  Maybe I should try to emulate the best features from each: military competence (of course), toughness in adversity, subtlety and humour.  Yes, that sounds like me to the tee. This being called Edward could certainty puff you up if you did not also inherit that sense of modesty which was another distinguishing feature of the greater Plantagenets.

 

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