16 June 2016

How To Survive… Millenials

A guide for both sides of the generation gap.

by Serena Sinclair

For those who are unsure of what exactly a millennial is, then in a nutshell, they are the generation born at the end of the last millennium, roughly those aged between 15 and 35. They share certain characteristics. http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/millennials-millennial-generationhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials.

How To Survive Being A Millenial Parent.

Millenial offspring can be quite demanding. Here are a few ways of coping.

When they tell you they NEED a car for uni, give them the old family run-around they have been commandeering for the last year or two anyway, and buy yourself a smart little sports car.
When they ask you if they can bring two or three friends back for supper, check that they are not engineers who are earning more than you are (and boast about their salaries) but still don’t think to bring a bottle of wine.
When they ring up and ask you to help write their letter of resignation because they cannot face ‘settling down’ just yet, ask how they plan to fund the next few months.
When they have resigned from their job and are on their way home, remind them that it will no longer be possible to go away every other weekend skiing/surfing/sailing or attending friends’ weddings/stag dos around the country.
When they tell you they are really keen to volunteer to build/repair an orphanage in South America/Africa/Thailand, find out whether they have any plans for fund-raising for the airfare before enthusiastically endorsing the idea.
When they tell you that their friend Lily has decided to call herself Eddie, do not start discussing ‘The Danish Girl’ or ask how the teachers are reacting, but show you are aware of the current LGBT politics of and discuss Lancaster School District’s guidelines for transgender student names and bathroom use.

How To Survive Being A Millennial Offspring

Parents can be remarkably unhelpful at times. Try these tactics.

Knowing you need a decent car for uni, not the very uncool red Fiat Panda your Mum has been using for the past 10 years, don’t just say you need a car, explain that they have always been keen for you to keep up your hockey/tennis/football/sailing and that the sports ground is (and they often are) miles from the halls of residence and or the lecture theatres and laboratories and that if you are going to get a decent degree, there is no way you could really spend the time needed to get on the team (you needn’t tell them the standard is so good you will be lucky to get into the D team) if you have to get the bus/walk/cycle. Oh, and the Panda won’t do, of course, because it is not reliable and they wouldn’t want you breaking down on a winter’s evening now, would they?
If you need them to drive you and a friend up to Newcastle or down to Falmouth for an Open Day you can tell them that there are talks for parents too; but possibly better to make it sound like an occasion for them to have a day out, otherwise they might suggest it would be easier for you to get a train, with all the hanging around and inconvenience that entails, rather than the convenience of door-to-door chauffeuring. You don’t have to talk to them in the car or listen to their choice of radio programme – just plug in.
Should you want to have 15 or 20 people for a BBQ and sleepover and they are baulking at the numbers and the expense, point out very reasonably that you have been invited to the parties/sleepovers of all these friends and you are simply repaying hospitality (rather than whining that unless you do this no-one will invite you to their parties).
When you are really fed-up with those violin classes you have been enduring without making much progress for the last 6 years and you fancy taking up the electric guitar instead, remind them of how they hate the sound of your practising and how there are special sound-proof music rooms at school/college where you can practise the guitar. You never know, the lack of internal logic here may just escape them.
When you have just resigned your well-paid job because you really couldn’t ‘hack it’ any longer, try not to reveal too soon the fact that you do not actually have any savings because you were living in the moment and enjoying life. That way they may be prepared to let you have your old bedroom back – if they haven’t already turned it into a guest room/sauna/hobbies room/gym/’man cave’.
When they suggest that you start saving to buy a property of your own, show them the Moneyweek graph of ‘UK house price to income ratio’ over the last 45 years and point out that as house prices are now at an average of over six times income, whereas when they bought they were probably around three and a half, the only way you could possibly afford a house, or rather a tiny one-bedroom apartment, is if they either downsized, mortgaged the family house or raided their newly-liberated pension fund to provide you with the deposit.

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