18 February 2016
Clever Dogs
by Princess Lottie of Islington (with some help from Frank O’Nomics)
So those smart people at LSE and the University of Edinburgh have worked out that if a dog is good at one test it is usually good at others, and that this can be the basis for establishing its IQ. Well forgive me for writing under my kennel club name – but it was time to fight back after the Times commented on the use of 68 working Border Collies rather than “spectacularly thick labradors’. I think you can guess my breed.
I have no issue with the scientists wanting to use the same breed for the tests; this clearly gives a logical consistency. But I do take issue with comments about leg length which, when it comes to survival, can be a lot more useful than overcoming contrived tests. The issue for me is the tests themselves may have been a suitable challenge for the collies, but are an insult to the intelligence of a mature labrador retriever. In the interests of science, and satisfying my pride, I conducted a number of the tests and report my results below.
1) Put a towel over the dog’s head and shoulders and time how long it takes for it to free itself. Really! This took no time at all and produced considerable disappointment when I realised that it was not part of a more involved game (I yearn for mental stimulation) and did not generate any type of reward.
2) Place a treat under a cup and see how long it takes the dog to get it. Now this really does come down to breeding. My training would not begin to allow me to knock over a cup that my master had turned over. I can wait patiently by the cup for as long as it takes for my master to release it.
3) Place a treat under one of 3 cups. Take the dog away for a period of time and then bring it back to see if it remembers where the treat is. Well, we have exactly the same issue, but, have no doubt, I know where that treat is and I will sit by the correct cup for as long as you want, Mr oh-so-clever scientist.
4) Put out 2 bowls of food of differing sizes. Does the dog go to the larger portion? Frankly, again this is an insult. If it is clear that this is my food I will eat from both, alternately, to show that I am happy to accept the largesse.
5) Put some food behind a barrier and see how long it takes for the dog to go around it rather than under it. Look, a border collie might want to dig for victory, but when I smell food, I will get to it, with minimal effort.
The scientists report that the tests were completed in under an hour, and I shall refrain from commenting on attention deficit in some breeds.
However, while I remain insulted by both the Times and the LSE, it does seem that some humans are somewhat more impressed. Dr Rosalind Arden at the LSE puts it very well, saying that “a species that doesn’t smoke, drink, use recreational drugs and does not have large differences in education and income, may help us understand this link between intelligence and health better”. At last someone recognises some of our virtues! Frank seems even more impressed by the fact that dogs also reproduce many of the features of dementia and so understanding their cognitive abilities may help us in its treatment. Given that the life cycle of a dog is somewhat shorter than a human (sometimes it doesn’t feel like it), the development of these tests may considerably speed up the research process and the potential solutions it might bring. Well, it remains a dog’s life but the research has certainly given me “paws” for thought. Perhaps it is time for me to consider my “dognative health”.
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